The way I'm writing this blog is fairly simple, I'm going out to my car after some heartbreaking moment, and there are many, and smoking little weed, listening to a little country music, say a little prayer then letting myself just write. I'm not entirely sure I give a shit if that is offensive, I am a pot smoker, but let me just say this little bit....
I could not have handled everything so calmly and with a matter of fact, get it done attitude with a touch of mommy love and a whole lot of patience if I had not been able to laugh at myself, the situation and smoked fuck ton of weed. I have, for the time being allowed myself to smoke as much as I think is allowable depending upon the shit that happens in that particular day.
For example, I didn't smoke until after my father finished taking a shit, cuz who the fuck wants to smell that? Oh, the sweet comfort of oblivion, to be able to take the edge off the memory, now that is worth smoking for.
Not once has smoking weed affected my care for my father. In fact, when he was responsive, it gave me the patience and most of all the ability to allow myself to be more open, more affectionate with my father and it made me keep the room as light as could.
Laughter. It makes shit times little more bearable. I have, however gained about ten pounds. I'll lose it soon enough, but stress affects me that way. Hell stress is leaving me all messed up.
In the last couple of months I have gained ten pounds, been unable to take a few moments to work out because quite honestly I'm exhausted all the damn time. Every free moment have had been spent on non thinking things like playing fetch with my dog. Honestly, my doberman had been my teddy bear. The one thing I hold on to when I think I'm going to lose it.
Dogs and weed, the perfect recipe for a smile.
No comments:
Post a Comment